walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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