Say something about gay babies.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
