You're my little dorito
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
