she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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