Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize