I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
