So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
