I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
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dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
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Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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