Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
