I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
