Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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