this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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