worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My ATM looks so different sober.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
