There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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