I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
