i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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