happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
