in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
