But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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