Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
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Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
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I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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