I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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