It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
