Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
