Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
