Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
