I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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