Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
