Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
