I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize