have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
