I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
