you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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