omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
