so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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