So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
