Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
