I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
