Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Randomize
