he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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