is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
