Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
