Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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