She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
