Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
