i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
