well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
