Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
