Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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