how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
