It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
