Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
