Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
