I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
