dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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