Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
