that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
