idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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