There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize