She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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