this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
