I wish I could punch you in the face.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
