: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
